Support today for tomorrow's mums!

I was facilitating an antenatal breastfeeding session this morning. I had a group of six mums-t- be, all interested and keen to ask questions, just as I like a group to be!

One of them said that her mother couldn't breastfeed her and we went onto discussing how the previous generation lacked in support and how formula use was strongly advised. I said something about formula in the 70's them remembered just in time that all these mums were probably younger than me by at least a decade! And added 'and the 80's' !!

Later when I was going back home I was reflecting about this in the car. The longer I'll be a breastfeeding counsellor and the later these mums will have been born! There will come a time when they won't be daughters of a 'formula generation'. What sort of view on breastfeeding will these mothers of tomorrow have received from their own mothers?!

I hope that one day we will see some effect of the growing support that's available at the moment, that the support will keep growing. We might not be changing the rates of breastfeeding 'success' as much as we'd like but maybe we're changing the views of mothers who will give birth in 15, 20 years from here?!
Birthing practices are changing too.
Groups like the Hampshire Maternity Services Liaison Committee (MSLC) work to include views of parents into maternity care.
More and more hospitals are putting their efforts into being Baby Friendly Initiative accredited.
Parents are aware of the importance of skin-to-skin contact between mother and baby - or, if not possible, father and baby -  straight after birth, and of the initation of breastfeeding in baby's first hours of life.

But, thinking about these mothers, there is something that worries me. It's the whole formula-feeding/breastfeeding division that we see. You just have to read forums about baby care or comments on feeding related articles in the media and you see only too well that division. Behind it, deep, often painful feelings...
Women talk about feeling pressured, inadequate, failing.
The balance of sharing our passion for breastfeeding without imposing our views to vulnerable new mothers is fragile.
We'd like every baby to be breastfed but also every mother to fall in love with her baby and know that she is the best mother her baby could have, whatever she does. It's not easy, I can tell you!

To come back to these painful feelings that exist between formula-feeding and breastfeeding mothers... It's for all of us, mums out there, to try and understand that different mothers have different choices and that all choices are valid. And to be kind. And to remember that negative attitude often hides hurt.

To remember that we are moving away from the mothers born from the 'formula' generation and that we are at this time setting down the foundations of a different way of thinking in terms of feeding babies. Let's make it a good one!

Anne

What breastfeeding means for me ?

I often say that breastfeeding is a relationship between mother and baby.

And, as a relationship, a lot that defines it has to do with each individual's personality and in the case of the mother her life experience.

I knew long before I was pregnant that I would breastfeed my children. When I was expecting my first child I pictured our life together, a gurgling baby, drinking my milk and gazing into my eyes... But at 32 weeks of pregnancy I was told that my baby had died and he was stillborn two days later.
Three days after he was born my milk came in - a complete shock - and the pain of loss was even greater.
Then a while again later we had an appointment with the consultant to hear the results of the postmortem. Nothing... But the human mind has troubles coping with nothing and the consultant still tried to find an explanation to give us. He said that the baby had been a bit small, probably the placenta had not been working well (now five pregnancies later and I know that the placenta had been working fine up to the point where, for a reason still unknown, I bled inside and the baby died in a matter of hours, if not minutes). what I translated was : I haven't given to my baby everything he needed.

So it was really, really important for me to breastfeed my children, to know that my body was able to make a baby grow and thrive, all on its own, for 6 months.

It's hard to lose an unborn child. It's hard too, to become a parent. In a way giving birth is also a loss although you also gain something new. You lose the 'bump', the anticipation, the closeness of having your baby always with you. From the word go you have to start letting go, letting your baby be exposed to the attentions and feelings of others. I will always remember, when DD1 was very small, visiting a friend of my mother-in-law's and that she gave my baby to her friend to hold. DD1 started crying straight away (the friend strongly smelt of cigarette) and it hurt to witness this, it felt as if I had let my baby down.
And you have to let them be exposed to illness, accidents. Being a parent awakens the imagination and not always in a good way!

So, breastfeeding... It's a bit a continuation of being pregnant. Like blood, breast milk is a living fluid. Blood through the umbilical cord, breast milk from me to my baby.

A mum recently posted on a Facebook breastfeeding group: 'Thank you breastfeeding, for immediately calming and soothing my croupy two year old in the middle of the night. It might be tough going sometimes, but times like this really do make it all worthwhile. I'm glad we kept at it.'

This is so true, and it's really something I've learnt to value, as a breastfeeding mum, to have a poorly baby, or a baby who's had a fall, or a baby who got scared, or a baby who is sad, and being so easily and effectively able to comfort and heal.

So that's a little bit of what breastfeeding means for me. I know it will mean something very different for someone else. I know sometimes it's not to be and it can cause a lot of pain. But if that's what you really want to do and if somehow you manage to make it work, it's really worth it!

Anne x