Saturday 19 September 2015

Nothing personal... Should breastfeeding be done at home because it's 'personal'?

This morning again I heard someone say that they would feel awkward if they saw a mother breastfeeding in public because it’s so ‘personal’. That’s an argument that often comes back in discussions around breastfeeding in public, it’s ‘personal’ so it should be done behind closed doors.
Does that mean that it’s the only ‘personal’ moment that passes between a mother and her baby? Does that mean that fathers don’t share anything ‘personal’ with their baby? And what about formula feeding mothers? I think that a lot of what passes between a child and her parents is very ‘personal’, i.e. characteristic of their own, close, special relationship and that they don’t share anything similar with anybody else.
I have a picture of my husband with our first daughter. She must have been around 15 months. He was holding her in his arms. His nose just touched her cheek. His eyes are closed and he is smiling. I think that it was a very personal moment between them. Does the picture make anybody feel awkward? No. How would it be received if I posted it on social media? I honestly think it would mostly generate a benign indifference. Now, if I had a picture of myself breastfeeding the same daughter, with the same loving expression on my face and I posted it on social media, what the reaction be? Exactlly…
If a mother nuzzles and kisses her baby’s neck, that’s personal, isn’t it? At least I think it is. I certainly would not want just anybody nuzzling and kissing my baby’s neck. If people witness a mother nuzzling and kissing her baby’s neck, how would they react? They might go ‘Aw…!’ Or smile indulgently and remark to their neighbour ‘How cute is that?’ I doubt that they would write an article about it, or tweet about it because it happened where they’re working - as some employees in restaurants have reportedly done - or take a photograph of the mother and try and shame her on social media.
Nor does breastfeeding always feel that ‘personal’ to a mother. When you’ve been breastfeeding for weeks, months, and that every time that you sit down to have your own meal your baby is hungry, then you feed your baby and get on with feeding yourself without necessarily gazing into your baby’s eyes and sharing a special moment with her. Is it still a ‘personal’ moment then? My own experience as a mother, in such a situation, was that it was just feeding my baby in relative comfort: no crying and I’m eating myself so everyone's a winner.
What makes ‘personal’ moments so special between parents and baby, by the way, is the release of oxytocin. We release oxytocin in lots of different situations when we feel content, happy, connected. When we share a cup of coffee or a glass of wine with good friends, when we hug someone, when we play with our children, etc. Are all these things anything to be ashamed of or hide?
And yes it’s a breast, yes it’s in somebody’s mouth. Others have written extensively on the mistake it is to associate breasts and breastfeeding with anything that has to do with sex. Breasts are not sexual when a woman walks in the street, talks with men, works, feeds her baby. Fingers and hand can be very erotic in context, and yet nobody sees any sexual meaning in a handshake, a comforting hand on the shoulder or a mother stroking her baby’s cheek. That’s the same with breastfeeding, the same!
It can be personal but so can hundred of other human interactions be, and it’s not sexual. End of.

Anne